The Spirit of Giving!

As a mother, I learn things everyday from my kids. It is Christmas time, a season of giving and a lesson learning experience from Stockton. Every year, Grandma J takes the kids shopping for Toys for Tots. The kids have to save up their money. Niel and I will match the amount they have, and Grandma J will match the amount they bring with them shopping. This year, Stockton had an idea of his own.
Grandma picked him up and they headed to the store. Stockton picked a gift for Toys for Tots, but also decided he wanted to get each member in the family a gift from him. For Niel, he picked a back scratcher. For me, he bought a soap scrunchy. Conner got a police officer set. Megan got a small purple pillow to match her room. Garrett got some spinning top toys. Zander got a set of maracas to replace the ones he had accidently broken. Even the dog got a little chew toy. Stockton was so excited about his gifts. He came home and wrapped each one, placing them under the tree for us all be open on Christmas. Stockton was excited about his presents, but he was more excited to see each of us open the ones he had gotten us. It was a true lesson to me of unselfishness, kindness and the true spirit of giving.

My attempt at empathy

Ever since Zander went to his dad's for Thanksgiving, he has had a fondness for the word sh**. We have tried everything to get him to stop saying it. By now our basic response has been "Go to your room!".

Amy is going to work early in the morning now, so I am usually at home with the boys helping them get ready for school. As I was getting my own clothes on one morning, I heard Zander loud and clear let his little favorite word slip out while yelling at his brothers. I rushed downstairs prepared to yell at him and send him to his room. But somewhere in my mind I heard the words of the book Amy and I have been reading. "Listen to what they have to say, let them pick a solution and be a part of the conversation". So I calmed myself down and approached Zander.

He looked very solemn, probably because he knew what he had done. I asked him to come upstairs and talk to me. We sat on the couch together, and I asked him "What did you do wrong?"..."I said a bad word" was his response. So I proceeded to ask him why it was a bad word, and help him to understand it hurts peoples feelings. I asked him if he thought it would be a good idea to stop saying it and he said "yes, because then I will be more nice". It was one of the best conversations I've had with Zander. He was looking me in the eyes and smiling and seemed to understand. He ended by saying "I will not say that word anymore" and I felt like it was his decision and not me telling him what to do. I sent him off with a hug and was very proud of myself. I thought 'Wow, this empathy stuff really works. ' As I am busy patting myself on he back, I hear Zander merrily go downstairs to play with his brothers. The first words out of his mouth when he got down there? "Give me that gun...SH&*!!!!!". So what did I say? "GO TO YOUR ROOM!"

I want to change my name!

Garrett has quite the imagination at times. A few days ago, we went and saw a movie, "National Treasure 2." The movie was excellent! There was plenty of action. The boys really seemed to enjoy the movie. Treasure hunter Benjamin Franklin Gates (Cage) looks to discover the truth behind the assassination of Abraham Lincoln, by uncovering the mystery within the 18 pages missing from assassin John Wilkes Booth's diary. While Ben is presenting new information about John Wilkes Booth and the 18 pages missing from Booth's diary, one man stands up and presents a missing page of John Wilkes Booth's diary. Thomas Gates, Ben's great-grandfather, is mentioned in the page. It shows that Ben's great-grandfather could have been a person involved with Abraham Lincoln's murder. When doing more research, the conspiracy takes Ben, Abigail, and Riley to Buckingham Palace(which they break into). It takes them to a book in the White House(which they break into also)and they even steal a page from the book. But in order to see more from the book, their choice is either get elected president or kidnap the President of the United States. Which do they choose? It's obvious. The conspiracy then crosses to Mount Rushmore and they even mention the JFK conspiracy. Could Ben clear his family's name? Or will his family be known as the descendant of Abraham Licoln's murderer?

Sounds pretty good! Well, Garrett thought so too. A day after we saw the movie, he came to me and said, "Mom, I was thinking about changing my name." With a slight smile on my face and very intrigued by his request, I said " Oh really! What would you like your name to be?" "Um, I don't know. What about Gates." I got a little chuckle from his response. This was the name of the main character in National Treasure. Garrett was very serious though, so I said "Well, I kinda like the name Garrett. But, if you want me to call you Gates, I will. How about I just call you "G" for short? That can be short for Gates." He just smiled and said, "But Mom, you all ready call me G."

I am still calling him "G", but if he asks, I tell him I am calling him G for Gates. What a goof!

Mr. Responsible!

I found a list of traits for first born children:

First-born Traits

• Natural leader - majority of politicians, directors, and spokespersons are first-borns
• High achiever - sets goals and reaches them
• Picky and precise - pays attention to detail and expects perfection
• Organized and competent
• Punctual
• Likes to be in control and doesn't like surprises
• Can be moody and lack sensitivity
• Can be intimidating and refuse to take no for an answer
• Sometimes they can be a "know-it-all".
• Often bossy and feels that they are right
• Responsible and tries to keep the rules, will misbehave if rejected
• Tries to please others especially adults, may not say "no" or disagree because they don't want to cause problems
• Poor at delegating because they want to make sure it's done right

I would have to say, this describes Conner to a tee! I am also the oldest, and fall into many of these categories. But Conner... oh my! He is the most responsible 10 year old I know. A few days ago, the boys were walking home from the bus stop. On their merry walk back to the house, Garrett tripped on a stupid rock in the middle of the sidewalk and skid across the hard, rough cement. He got a nice blow to the head, leaving a nice blue goose egg on his forehead. The bump swelled up right away, and the pain brought Garrett to tears. He wouldn't even walk. Conner, being the best big brother ever, picked up Garrett. With the help of Stockton, they were able to get him home. This was on a Monday, which meant that Karalee, the sitter, would be picking up Zander from Pre-School, so no adult was home. Without even freaking out or panicking, Conner put Garrett on the couch, got some ice in a plastic bag and onto Garrett's protruding wound, and sat with him until he calmed down. After Conner knew Garrett was all right, he got on the phone and called me at work. "Mom, Garrett fell on the sidewalk and has a large goose ache." .... "Put some ice on it and I will be right home" was my response, as I interrupted him with my sudden anxiety. "I all ready did that mom. He is doing all right." I was in complete shock. What a young man. Sure enough, I came home to Garrett laying on the couch, fairly calm and doing all right.

Then... this morning I got a call from him. Conner and Stockton were headed off to school. They give me a call each morning before heading out. I like to make sure they have all they need for the day (here is my oldest child traits coming out). "Mom, you forgot two very important things this morning. You forgot to leave me and Stockton lunch money, and your forgot to write down what chores we were suppose to do today." Opps! I wish I were just a little more organized in my thoughts..haha! But then Conner said, "Don't worry too much. I all ready made me and Stockton some lunch, so we are ready to go." WOW! I could learn a few things from my own son in being so responsible and picking up the slack on things his mother has forgotten to do. I tell you what, he is going to make a fine father someday!

Spending hard earned points

We have put the kids on a new chore/incentive program. They are able to get many points throughout the day for various things. They get points for simple things like brushing their teeth or using good table manners. They can earn points for doing a kind deed, speaking kind words or helping Zander with his daily routine. Then they get points for doing things like a kitchen chore, daily chore and so on and so forth. Oh, and they can lose points by hitting, maid service (if we have to do their chores), and other behaviors which are not good. At the end of the week, they have to be able to give us points for food and rent, water, garbage and utilities. They can earn more then enough points to pay for room and board, but they have to spend points for anything they want to do. Like having friends over, treats, money, and even eating out.
We went out to Wingers one night for dinner just on a whim. We were all looking at the delicious menu, starting to make some dinner decisions. I explained to the boys, "If something costs $4.00 that would 40 points. If something costs $3.50 that would be 35 points." They got the just of it and began to make their selections. It was interesting to see how they chose to order according to how much they wanted to spend. Conner went from ordering off the adult menu down to the kids menu, explaining the kids portions fill him up enough, plus the drink is included. Stockton was the most interesting one to watch. He had the least points of anyone and has been wanting to save his points to earn money to donate to quarters for Christmas at his school (so thoughtful). He went from ordering a $5.00 meal to $3.50 and was very pleased with himself he had ordered something he really liked, but was more pleased he would be able to donate more quarters to the school charity. Garrett just ordered his usual, Mac and Cheese and I don't think it matter to him how much it cost, Mac and Cheese is always his favorite. Then, because everyone bought their own meals, no one had to share with Zander so he was very happy he got his own meal....haha!!! They all left the restaurant feeling happy with their purchases, whereas if I had just purchased everything, I don't think they would have appreciated dinner as much. As a reward for their great decision making, and my sweet taste buds, dessert was on me!!! It sure was a great night!

We have a new dog

After the disaster that was Blaze I was completely against getting another dog. The older kids had been really wanting a pet. They talked about everything from a cat to a rat to a lizard. One Saturday Amy took the kids to Petsmart. The Adopt a Dog program was there so they looked at a bunch of dogs. They asked about a smaller dog that would be good for kids and was house trained, and there just happened to be one. I got a call from Megan who started excitedly talking about just the right dog...it was a cocker spaniel and was everything they wanted. They begged and begged and promised to take care of it. We were just about to go on our cruise so I told them after the cruise we could take a look at it...but was very skeptical to say the least.
Flash forward to last weekend. We were out doing our family tradition of picking names and then trying to be sneaky as we run through Target buying presents for each other. We were right across from Petsmart so they convinced me to go over and meet the cocker spaniel. We got there and got the news that the dog had just barely been adopted. The kids were very very sad. So we looked around at some of the other dogs. There were a lot of cute puppies there. But nothing that seemed too interesting. So I was ready to get out of the store...relieved that we were not leaving with a dog in tow.
But then we saw him...buried in a cage in the back...a very sad eyed beagle. He caught my eyes immediately, and we opened the cage I was hooked. I really don't know what it was, but there was something about this dog. I couldn't resist him. We took him out of the kennel to take him for a walk, and he just looked really depressed. He didn't wag his tail at all, and he barely wanted to go for a walk. He's just lay down and look sad. This worried us a little bit but for some reason he just tugged at all of our heart strings. He had been raised in a kennel and had not spent much time out of his cage. We thought about it for a little while, and kept looking at him and talking to him. He would lift his head up when Zander came close and wag his tail maybe two times, then go back to his sad pose. finally we decided to do it...
We picked him up on Wed and brought him home. He still seemed depressed but he explored the entire house, sniffing around and perking up little by little. After the tornado that was Blaze this dog seemed incredibly mellow. He didn't jump or run around, just walked around and liked to be next to people.
Slowly he has got used to our house. There is still not an ounce of hyper in him but the tail wags occasionally now. It's almost like he doesn't want to believe he is in a good situation. He gets excited and happy and then decides he might not want to be happy yet. But he is perking up all the time and is extremely cute. He is well behaved and is learning the house training quickly. Everyone enjoys him, even Zander. I think we made a good choice, and will all have fun with him.

The Kiss

Ok, so maybe this blog should be called "Zander's Life!" This kid just does the most interesting things. We have to make sure we document them all.

I had taken the day off from work and was spending it with Zander. We decided it would be fun to met Niel at a park for lunch. It was such a beautiful day. I love the Fall weather, not too hot, not too cold. We were enjoying each other's company. After eating, sliding down the slides, and swinging on the swings, it was time for Niel to head back to work and time for us to get back home. Niel walked us to my car and Zander climbed inside. I was following close behind him, just in case he needed some help. Once I realized he was all set in his car seat, I turned to Niel and gave him a good-bye kiss. It was a fairly simple kiss... you know the kind that is maybe a little longer then a peck, but not too long or graphic. He said "Goodbye babe" and then started heading toward his truck. I then turned my attention to Zander to buckle him in and be on our way. When I leaned in towards Zander he looked at me, then made a slurpy, kissy movement with his lips. Then he stuck his tongue out and again made some more kissing movements. Oh my! My eyes about popped out of their eye sockets. I busted out with laughter. I better be careful about what kind of kissing he sees. Now, I can't kiss Niel without this little picture of Zander's kissing lips in my head! haha!!

The Dinosaur

The toe was finally fully functional...the canker had healed and Zander was back to his normal full of life self. I was at work, when I get a phone call from Amy. We talked for a second and then she said "Zander stuck a dinosaur up his nose". Well that wasn't a surprise, he doesn't have a habit of sticking things up his nose but he is always looking for something new to try, so why not that? I laughed...but then she said "They can't get it out and they are going to the doctor."

We heard a couple of hours later that the dinosaur was out and Zander had a sucker in his mouth and was doing fine. I was anxious to see him that night and hear the whole story. The first thing he said to me was "I broke a dinosaur in my nose". I couldn't help but laugh, and he seemed fine so the whole thing was amusing. It turns out he had put the tail of a plastic dinosaur up his nose, and then it broke off. There was no way they could get it out and it was bleeding pretty badly so they took him to the doctor. The doctor had to have the nurse put Zander in a headlock to hold his head still to pull the piece out. I can completely picture this scene. Zander told me they used "pliers" to pull it out. He was in great spirits and proud to tell his whole story.

Zanders final words of wisdom where..."I will never stick a dinosaur up my nose again."

The Canker

And the saga continues....

Conner has been one to catch Strep throat at a drop of a hat. He gets it at least once a year. It wasn't a surprise when we got a call from the doctor informing us he had come down with it once again. When this happens, we make great efforts to close him in our bedroom and keep him away from all the healthy ones in the household. Even with Conner tucked away in his temporary bubble, we are still very cautious for anything that might give us the slightest inclination one of the other kids had caught the miserable sickness.

Is wasn't long before Zander started to complain that his mouth was hurting. He would point to his mouth and scream very loudly, "My mouth hurts!!! I need to hold you!!!!" Being the sympathetic parents we are, immediately we pick him up and showered him with attention and pity.... this would be the same thing we did with him when he hurt his toe.
We continued to play the waiting game... waiting for the fever, a reason to rush to the doctor's office, begging for some antibiotics to get him better and attempt to avoid anymore sickness throughout our home. We waited... and waited... and waited. His screaming persisted, but the fever never became present. With confused looks, we tried to figure out what was going on. That night, we gave Zander some ibuprofen in hopes he wouldn't feel the pain of his throat, and go to sleep. Just like with the toe, he would wake up in the middle of the night in crying sobs telling us that his mouth hurt. Yet, when morning came, there still was no fever to be felt. We began to get curious. When he would cry with pain, he never pointed to his throat, it was always to his mouth. He went to Grandma's house with a bag of ibuprofen, some Airbourne, and explanation that we weren't sure what he had, but with the pain he seemed to be in, we were sure it had to be something serious. We asked her to watch him throughout the day and call if anything serious happened.
Well.... Grandma figured out what the problem was. It wasn't his throat, it was a tiny little canker sore on the bottom of his lower lip. Leave it to Grandma to figure out such a simple problem... and a simple solution. She went to the store to purchase him some Anbesol. It was a quick way to stop the pain. He seemed content. It was funny though, because he would continue to use his canker pain as a way to get some attention. What can I say, he is a smart kid. The screaming quickly ended when he realized his canker issues weren't going to get him much attention. He was back to his usual self before the week was over. The house was happy once again!!! Well, that is until the dinosaur incident....

The toe...

It seems that we write about Zander a lot, but the kid is an endless source of entertainment.
On the night of our halloween party Zander was dressed in his lion costume happily running around outside in anticipation of greeting the guests. Suddenly we heard a scream from Zander that was beyond his normal "Garrett is torturing me" scream. Pretty soon Grandma came in holding Zander and we could tell he was really hurt. He couldn't describe what had happened, only that his toe really hurt. It took him a while to calm down but he finally did, and he really tried to enjoy the evening. But every where he went he would limp around. We knew he was hurting, but it was hart not too laugh at the little lion limping around the house. Sometimes he would get half way to where he was going, stop, and say 'I need you to hold you" (his way of saying...please pick me up), and when he would get picked up he would say 'Thank you', in his most sincere voice.

We thought a good nights sleep would cure the problem, and it probably would have...but he did not sleep well. He would wake up screaming about his toe every 20 minutes. We could not figure out what was wrong, it didn't swell up or look black and blue, but it was definitely hurting him. We even thought about taking him to the hospital, but weren't sure what they would do. How do you put a cast on a toe? Amy ran to WalMart at 2:00 AM to get some child's Ibuprofen, and I sat there with Zander laying on my chest. Every 4-5 breaths he would sob and take a deep breath, but he slept somewhat peacefully. Finally, after getting a nice dose of Ibuprofen, he slept for a few hours. We were sure in the morning he would still be in great pain, but he woke up and barely remembered he had a hurt toe. Well, at least he forgot until he didn't want to walk anymore, then he would stop...and scream 'My toe hurts...I want to hold you"

Stay tuned for the stories of the canker sore and the dinosaur. You won't want to miss them.

The Cupcakes

It was late Sunday night. We were all whinding down from a long, exciting weekend. I had gotten Zander and Garrett all scrubbed up, and out of the bath tub. I thought I would let the kids have a little creative moment. We had made cupcakes for a Halloween party we had Saturday. There was some extra cupcakes, decoration candies and frosting left. Stockton had been dying to make his own cupcake creation, so I figured I would be a good mom and let them go for it. Stockton, Garrett and Zander each made their own little cupcake masterpiece. They were very proud of themselves and began eating them. I turned my attention the the much needed pantry which required some organization. I was busy at work before I realized I didn't hear any children chatter. I peaked my head out of the pantry only to find the boys missing. I listened for a moment and heard some roars of laughter coming from the bathroom. When I looked down the hall, I could see the bathroom door was closed.... I knew that meant trouble. I hurried down the hall and opened the bathroom door. The laughter stopped abruptly and I gasped. They had taken their cupcakes and smashed them into each others faces!! I wish I could say I thought it was funny, but there was green, white and orange frosting all over their freshly washed faces. Had I not know what Zander was wearing, I probably wouldn't have been able to identify him as my son. He had chocolate cupcake smeared all over his tiny little face and all down his pajamas. He looked at me, held up his hands, and said "Stockton did it!" With that, I looked at Stockton. He knew he was guilty as his face was also covered in the cupcake mess. I looked at him and said, "What are you thinking?" Stockton looked at me and said, "It was Garrett's idea!" By this time, Garrett was washing his face, trying to get rid of all the chocolate evidence. They were busted and Mom was mad.
I wish I could say that I handled the situation well, but I didn't. I bonked each of them on the head, washed them up and sent them to bed early. They were all so sad. Later, after I had cleaned the pantry and given myself some time to think about it, I realized I probably could have handled the situation better. The kids were having so much fun, they were happy and stopped their good time.... next time, we will have to just go in the backyard and have a cake smashing, pie throwing moment. That really would be a ton of fun!

Empathy

Ok, so we have been reading a book about raising resilient kids. The chapter we are currently on talks about having empathy for our kids and the feelings they have. It talked about how often we think we have empathy for how our kids feel...right up until they don't do what we want them to do. Then we just want to make them do what we choose and we don't care about why they feel the way they do.

The example in the book was about a child who would not go to bed...he would throw a fit every time it was brought up. (I'm sure that never happens at our house...everyone sleeps like angels). The parents reaction was to punish the child and force him to go to bed, but the situation didn't get any better. Finally, when they dug into the issue and tried to understand it from his point of view, they learned he was having nightmares. The dreams frightened him so badly he was scared to sleep. When the parents approached the problem from the childs point of view they were able to understand what was causing the problem...and then the parents could effectively solve the problem by reading a bedtime story and putting a night light in the room.

So all fo this to say, I think I realized that I am not as empathetic as I should be. Why is Stockton so slow? I don't know, but I really doubt he is doing it just to make us all late to church. Maybe in his eyes he just wants to enjoy here and now and thinks life is so great he is always getting distracted by it. I can at least try to understand it, and realize that his views are important and do matter.

Why does Garrett tease Zander all the time? Why does Conner talk and talk and talk and talk? Why is Megan not eager to go outside herself to meet new people? I really don't know the answers to these questions, but Amy and I are trying to make a real effort to understand the fears and joys and struggles of our kids before immediately punishing their behavior. Easier said than done, but we'll see how it goes.

Last thought...Zander has to have control of everything. We can't even pick the spoon he uses to eat his morning cereal. He has to pick his seat when riding in the truck. Sometimes this stubbornness is very frustrating, especially when we are in a hurry and we want him to just do something without asking. But looking at the situation from his eyes...maybe he feels in control of nothing. His life mostly revolves around his brothers and sister...he goes to their games, he waits while they do homework, he gets bullied off the trampoline. So for him, maybe he just needs to feel in control of a few things. And what is wrong with letting him? If he wants to pick a special spoon for breakfast...why can't he? If he wants to wear sandals to go to dinner on a snowy day...we can use all of our persuasive powers to convince him his feet will be cold...but what better lesson than letting him make his own decision, and then seeing what the consequences are.

Our goal is to be more empathetic. If any one out there has a clue how to do that better, share your great knowledge. In the mean time, I will be putting my self in Stockton's shoes and trying to figure out why he thinks putting his name on his homework is a waste of time.

The Fish

Stockton has been working hard on being responsible. For a reward, and for something else to show how responsible he can be, we got him a fish. Stockton was beyond excited! He had something to call his own and to display his ability to care for something. He adored the little fish and continually fed it, cared for it.... he even talked to it every morning. He had the fish for about 1 week and it came time to clean it's bowl. He did everything so carefully, and was proud of his accomplishments as a fish owner. He put the fish in it's proper place and headed off to school. Little curious Zander decided that a fish shouldn't be kept in a fish bowl, actually, we aren't sure what he thought, but he decided to give the fish some freedom. He took the bowl up to the kitchen sink, and poured the entire bowl down the drain, fish included. Ops!
Stockton was quit disappointed, but not angry.... isn't that just like Stockton? He patiently waited for Mom to purchase a new fish for him to care for. A new fish was purchased and Stockton was overjoyed. He decided to keep the fish safe in his room, away from curious little fingers. Stockton got the bowl all ready, tucked the fish into bed for the night and went to sleep dreaming happy fish dreams. The next morning, mom came in to wake him to to get him ready for school. The room was still dark as she woke him up. She then headed to the bowl to see how the little fishy was doing. But to her surprise, she couldn't see the fish any where in the bowl. "Stocks, I don't see the fish?" Stockton hopped out of bed and peered into the empty water. He then turned on his bedroom light and again looked into the empty bowl. Sure enough, there was no fish.... plenty of fresh clean water, but no fish swimming happily about. They looked to the ground, wouldn't you know it, the fish was laying on the floor.... all dried up and motionless. Stockton looked down and saw the fish. He just stared at it for a while and said, "I didn't even get a chance to feed it once. Silly fish, I guess he took a big jump.... his last jump!"

The Jesus Song

Our 3 year old Zander (known on alternate days as either The Holy Terror or The Great Joy) loves music. He sings and dances and attempts to play the piano. Like pretty much everything he does, his singing is always at the top of his lungs. His favorite songs have included Eye of the Tiger, Sweet Caroline and Johnny Cash's Ring of Fire. His grandpa is very talented musically, so he must have received some of the genes. It's one of Zanders most endearing qualities, and it is one I should remember when he is pounding on his bedroom door screaming "Let me out!"

Anyway, on Sunday apparently he got tired of singing the same old songs and decided it was time to write his own. He hopped up on the piano bench and began playing (pounding). After a few chords he would scream out "Jesus!" and then start pounding on the piano again...followed by "Jesus!" and a few more beautiful notes...then, you guessed it, "Jesus!". This went on for about 5 minutes. We both laughed and tried to videotape his wonderful song, however as is characteristic, as soon as the camera was on...he didn't want to play along anymore.